Butterflies


This entry is very important to me and one that I have contemplated on sharing for a while. I am coming up on my first year as a Podcast host for my sex-positive podcast, Hankie Pankie Podcast.

In addition, I travel the country hosting seminars and motivational presentations about the importance of accepting others.  My message is simple, stop the judgment as you have not been in anyone’s shoes but your own.  It is time you live your life for you not for others around you. By living your life to satisfy the wishes of parents or other family members is not really living your life or IS IT?

It is just a matter of time before you come around to where you truly want to be.  How many times do you meet someone during your life journey, and they say, I should have left that career sooner or I wish I had ended this toxic relationship earlier.   How about someone who tells you, now I’m too old to do what I wish I would have done 25 years ago. 

The reason I titled this entry “butterflies continue” has nothing to do with me being nervous when I host a seminar or share my message and my personal story.  Instead, my butterflies in my stomach stem from what will be shared with me after the presentation. 

I have not left one of my seminars without at least one, if not more attendees coming up to me and opening to me with me their situation.  They feel a trust with me and can be comfortable knowing there is no judgment coming from my end. I have had people tell me I changed their life. I have been told they now have the confidence to go out into the world with a different attitude and outlook on life. I have received e-mails and handwritten letters sharing with me the outcome of their honesty with family and their desire for unconditional love regardless of their life choices.   I have had married couples reach out after my seminar for coaching who were close to ending their commitment to each other before attending my seminar. Attendees have approached the stage and hug me, cry on my shoulder and not say a word.

It is for this exact reason that that I am so proud of where my journey has taken me. I am convinced without a doubt that I was meant to be in the position that I’m in. The feeling of knowing I just helped one person to make a change to live their life without lies and shame is the only gratitude I need. 

It was when I finally became comfortable with who I am as a person to let others around me know that, although my career is in an industry many hold judgement towards does not mean I am supporting a drug addiction or had experienced trauma or sexual abuse in my past.  I know that no parent says the dream job for their child is to work in the adult industry, however, in my situation I am a 45-year-old woman, and it is my choice and my life to choose how I want to live it. 

At my most recent hosted seminar this past weekend, I had an attendee approach me after everyone had left the room to share with me a situation he is facing at home.  This was the 1st time that I openly cried with a stranger.  His dilemma is one I have heard many times, but it went even deeper.  With the options we discussed the outcome could be positive or detrimental.

I am choosing to share this with my readers in hopes that you will comment and offer guidance or advice.  I am quite positive others reading this have either faced the same obstacles or know someone who navigated their way through a similar situation.

This young man began by telling me his family history. He is 25 years old, lives at home and works 2 minimum wage jobs. He is raised with one younger brother as a Jehovah’s witness.   It is the family’s belief that there will be no sex until marriage, no expression of sexual freedom, pornography is unacceptable and alternative relationships other than the monogamy of a husband and wife is against their morals.   He also showed with me that he turns to the adult industry has a way to understand and express his sexual curiosity by watching pornography and this was his first time attending any type of Adult Expo.  In addition, he opened to the fact that he is also attracted to the opposite sex.  The final piece of information that he shared with me was that he is aware as if air as is his mother that his father does partake in viewing pornographic material, however it is not to be discussed. 

Here is where it gets interesting. His mother became aware of is there of his presence at the adult Expo.  This followed with a phone call telling him that he was no longer welcome to return home.  Can you imagine how devastating this is to a person, your own family disowning you for just attending an adult convention.

He has 2 options in this situation.   Option one is to approach his family and let them know that although he respects their religious beliefs, he is a 25-year-old man, and it is not the way he wants to pursue his life. He has different interests and wants to follow a different path. They can either accept him and love him unconditionally or the detrimental opposite of disowning their own child.  The 2nd option is to apologize although more to appease their wishes and go on living his life to satisfy their religious beliefs.  The issue with the 2nd option is that 1 day his mother and father will pass on and he will be a grown man who has lived over half his life to make his family happy.   He would be one of the statistics of I wish I would have made the changes sooner rather than later and now it’s too late.

What would you do if you were in his position? If you if he moves out and refuses to accept the religion, they will disown him. If he expresses his love for them but not the religion, he takes the risk of losing his family for good.  It is such an unfair position to put anybody in and it hurts me so much. This just reiterates that today, there’s still judgment and always will be unless people can adapt and accept others for who they are.  I asked him if he is close with his brother and if he has ever discussed with his brother his sexual interests.  He said that he has been too afraid to discuss with anyone and I am the first person he has shared any of this with.  I suggested he look online for support groups and I gave him a copy of my book along contact information.   He hugged me thanked me for my time and as he walked away to go and catch the bus my heart just fell. He was such a genuine person, and I could feel how much he was hurting.  I just stood there as he walked away afraid for him. Unsure where he was even going to go as home currently was not an option.

When are we as society going to realize that we must adapt and accept others for their choices in life? When are we going to put race, religion and sexual preferences aside and love unconditionally?

The year is almost 2022 and I can only do my part in lending an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.  It’s time we all play a part in hatred and judgement.  No one of us can judge anyone else as I say repeatedly you have not walked in their shoes; you do not know what they have experienced.

I do hope to get some comments and guidance here for my new friend.  I pray he reads this as I did not get his contact information but provided mine and encouraged him to reach out if he needs a friend.

Till next time, love yourself, love others, respect everyone and focus on living your life in a way that makes you happy and proud to be who you are. It’s your life and only you control your destiny.

Coralyn Jewel

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