I begin by sharing with you that that at the age of 40, I was finally be able to come clean to my friends and family around me in regards to the career field that I was in and I no longer had to remember which white lie I told to who.
I won’t say I had chosen a career field that was frowned upon by some but more of what I refer to as a variety if curveballs that were thrown at me and I had to decide what to do with them.
With the release of my first book in 2020 amidst the Pandemic, I finally felt a sense of relief that I no longer had to hide who I am. My book, When the Ice Melts, The Story of Coralyn Jewel, is a memoir of my true-life story. My journey from where I began to where I am now.
From immigrating to the United States from South Africa to pursuing my dream as a figure skating Olympic hopeful, to my dream shattered. From a happy marriage and mother of two children through a divorce caused by adultery. The financial struggles and career challenges and ongoing legal battles to thoughts of suicide and ending it all. The pain real, the hurt deep and the outcome enlightening. The happiness I desired could only be reached by accepting myself and being true to who I am.
How could I expect others to withhold judgment of my choice to pursue a career adult performer when I myself was keeping it a secret. It was not the shame or guilt I felt from my choice, but rather the feeling that I had let my family down and disappointed them.
I am now in what is referred to as my happy place. My career in the adult industry has led my path and I am now where I believe I was meant to be. It was when I finally had the confidence to come clean, no more lies that I found a whole new outlook on life; MY LIFE.
Although I am not living the life my parents had hoped for, my mother has accepted me 100% and has even read my book, my blog entries and listens to my podcast regular. My relationship with my father has been more of a challenge. Although my book is dedicated to him, he has had a difficult time comprehending why I chose this path and his concerns for my children and my future. My father and I, although very different are also very much the same. We are stubborn and determined. We both don’t back down and we are both afraid to express our feelings for fear of a broken heart.
Most recently, after 7 months of no communication the first steps to us both healing have been made. I just hope that we continue the progress in our relationship as father and daughter. I reminded him during our recent phone conversation that life is short and losing precious days without my father who won’t be here forever is heartbreaking.
I respect where his anger and sadness comes from and he is entitled to how he feels, however, I also made it known that no matter what I still love him unconditionally and I will always be daddy’s little girl.
Till next time