Top 5 Questions Newbies ask me about being a Swinger
When I meet a “Vanilla” and I tell them that I run a Lifestyle Swinger Community, there eyes light up with so many questions they don’t know where to begin. Between my podcast, my book and previous articles , I have touched on various aspects of the lifestyle from etiquette to basic rules and how to go about getting involved.
This entry I am going to address some of the frequent questions. These are just some of the more popular questions and concerns that someone considering or curious about the lifestyle ask me to address. For this entry, I will focus on 3.
1) Why do single males have such a bad rap?
I always answer this question the same way. It is “said” The Lifestyle is run by the women. However, keeping that in mind, some women single or partnered, feel entitled and overstep the boundaries and etiquette. In my experience I have had to pull aside more women then men to re- brief them on not touching without asking and being overbearing.
To address the “The bad guys ruin it for the good ones”. If a single male is not fully comprehending what the Lifestyle is all about, then many are under the assumption it’s a free for all. Many don’t realize the etiquette is more strict then in a Vanilla Bar. You don’t touch with out asking, refrain from making derogatory comments to a lady or going into a playroom and watch without being invited.
HOWEVER I can name only 2 men in my 12 years of running a club that overstepped the rules, on the contrary the ladies who touched without permission, jumped on a bed without asking and so on would take 2 sets of hands.
The rules are the same regardless of your sex or if you single or attached. No means no, ask first and respect is key.
2) What happens if I go to a “Swinger “ event and I run into a Co-Worker or friend? What do I say?
I love this question. I answer with, just say “oh hey what are you doing here? Is this not the book club meeting? I must be lost”.
BUT SERIOUSLY: My real answer is that if it’s your co-worker, friend or relative they are at the sane event for the same reason you are. So, don’t run, hide or sneak out the back door, trust me it will be a relief to you both to have the “secret” out.
3) What if we just want to watch or be watched how do we explain to others who might approach us?
ANSWER : This comes back to the big word I always emphasize in the Lifestyle COMMUNICATION. Any time you begin to converse with a couple or single at an event and the discussion of play comes up, honesty is key. If you are new to the Lifestyle and are just curious but not ready to do anything sexually, then way just that. If you are wanting to be watched ( Exhibitiononist or wanting to watch others Voyeur then say this is what your preference is.
There are so many aspects of the Lifestyle or being a “Swinger” that sometimes you may be curious to try something and then realize it’s not for you. So, whats the magic word COMMUNICATION
4) What if my partner and I agree to be with another couple and one of us changes our minds how do we stop everything without hurting someone’s feelings.
ANSWER: Again, do not go through with something you don’t want to do even if you thought you did in thr beginning. The magic word again is COMMUNICATE. Tell your partner or the other participant(s) that you have changed your mind and you apologize. No one is owed an explanation and we are all grown adults, if anyone wants to atop the play no explanation is ever needed and for the record, if your feelings get hurt cause someone does not want to play with you get out of the game
5) Final question for this entry. I ( we) won’t fit in. We are too old, to fat, not pretty enough to be a Swinger.
ANSWER: Another one of my favorite sayings” Everyone likes a different cup of tea” While one couple may be attracted to the tall hunky male and the 5’11” blonde big chested bombshell . Another couple may prefer the 5ft Latina with a Ass that shakes the whole dance floor. I personally can say when I do participate I don’t have a particular look I am attracted to. For me personality is key, as it’s supposed to be fun and I like to laugh and enjoy the play. Looks can only carry you so far, as the saying goes “Beauty is only skin deep”..
I could turn a question answer segment into a novel but I will leave you with those five today. Most important thing to know, when you enter into the Lifestyle you are embarking on a new journey. If you are not aware of basic rules, etiquette and terminology it can be a slippery slope. On the upside, the Lifestyle can enhance the excitement between you and your partner or as a single being welcomed as a third into a play situation. If is supposed to be fun, exciting, fun and playful. That’s why we call it “PLAYING”.
Till next time